This entire passage is from a book called “Conversations with God, Book 3” by Neale Donald Walsch. Someone showed it to me today and I can’t stop thinking about it. Mr. Walsch’s perspective and insight on parenting are light years beyond anything I’ve ever read.
Q: Please tell me—I would like to hear it again, because I’ve forgotten much of what Elisabeth taught me—all about the five natural emotions.
A: Grief is a natural emotion. It’s that part of you which allows you to say goodbye when you don’t want to say goodbye; to express—push out, propel—the sadness within you at the experience of any kind of loss. It could be the loss of a loved one, or the loss of a contact lens.
When you are allowed to express your grief, you get rid of it. Children who are allowed to be sad when they are sad feel very healthy about sadness when they are adults, and therefore usually move through their sadness very quickly.
Children who are told, “There, there, don’t cry,” have a hard time crying as adults. After all, they’ve been told all their life not to do that. So they repress their grief.
Grief that is continually repressed becomes chronic depression, a very unnatural emotion.
People have killed because of chronic depression. Wars have started, nations have fallen.
Anger is a natural emotion. It is the tool you have which allows you to say, “No, thank you.” It does not have to be abusive, and it never has to be damaging to another.
When children are allowed to express their anger, they bring a very healthy attitude about it to their adult years, and therefore usually move through their anger very quickly.
Children who are made to feel that their anger is not okay—that it is wrong to express it, and, in fact, that they shouldn’t even experience it—will have a difficult time appropriately dealing with their anger as adults.
Anger that is continually repressed becomes rage, a very unnatural emotion.
People have killed because of rage. Wars have started, nations have fallen.
Envy is a natural emotion. It is the emotion that makes a five-year-old wish he could reach the doorknob the way his sister can—or ride that bike. Envy is the natural emotion that makes you want to do it again; to try harder; to continue striving until you succeed. It is very healthy to be envious, very natural. When children are allowed to express their envy, they bring a very healthy attitude about it to their adult years, and therefore usually move through their envy very quickly. Children who are made to feel that envy is not okay—that it is wrong to express it, and, in fact, that they shouldn’t even experience it—will have a difficult time appropriately dealing with their envy as adults.
Envy that is continually repressed becomes jealousy, a very unnatural emotion.
People have killed because of jealousy. Wars have started, nations have fallen.
Fear is a natural emotion. All babies are born with only two fears: the fear of falling, and the fear of loud noises. All other fears are learned responses, brought to the child by its environment, taught to the child by its parents. The purpose of natural fear is to build in a bit of caution. Caution is a tool that helps keep the body alive. It is an outgrowth of love. Love of Self.
Children who are made to feel that fear is not okay—that it is wrong to express it, and, in fact, that they shouldn’t even experience it—will have a difficult time appropriately dealing with their fear as adults.
Fear that is continually repressed becomes panic, a very unnatural emotion.
People have killed because of panic. Wars have started, nations have fallen.
Love is a natural emotion. When it is allowed to be expressed, and received, by a child, normally and naturally, without limitation or condition, inhibition or embarrassment, it does not require anything more. For the joy of love expressed and received in this way is sufficient unto itself. Yet love which has been conditioned, limited, warped by rules and regulations, rituals and restrictions, controlled, manipulated, and withheld, becomes unnatural.
Children who are made to feel that their natural love is not okay—that it is wrong to express it, and, in fact, that they shouldn’t even experience it—will have a difficult time appropriately dealing with love as adults.
Love that is continually repressed becomes possessiveness, a very unnatural emotion. People have killed because of possessiveness. Wars have started, nations have fallen. And so it is that the natural emotions, when repressed, produce unnatural reactions and responses. And most natural emotions are repressed in most people. Yet these are your friends. These are your gifts. These are your divine tools, with which to craft your experience.
You are given these tools at birth. They are to help you negotiate life.
Q; Why are these emotions repressed in most people?
A: They have been taught to repress them. They have been told to.
Q: By whom?
A: Their parents. Those who have raised them.
Q: Why? Why would they do that?
A: Because they were taught by their parents, and their parents were told by theirs.
Q: Yes, yes. But why? What is going on?
A: What is going on is that you have the wrong people doing the parenting.
Q: What do you mean? Who are the “wrong people”?
A: The mother and the father.
Q: The mother and the father are the wrong people to raise the children?
A: When the parents are young, yes. In most cases, yes. In fact, it’s a miracle that so many of them do as good a job as they do.
No one is more ill equipped to raise children than young parents. And no one knows this, by the way, better than young parents.
Most parents come to the job of parenting with very little life experience. They’re hardly finished being parented themselves. They’re still looking for answers, still searching for clues.
They haven’t even discovered themselves yet, and they’re trying to guide and nurture discovery in others even more vulnerable than they. They haven’t even defined themselves, and they’re thrust into the act of defining others. They are still trying to get over how badly they have been mis-defined by their parents.
They haven’t even discovered yet Who They Are, and they’re trying to tell you who you are. And the pressure is so great for them to get it right—yet they can’t even get their own lives “right.” So they get the whole thing wrong—their lives, and the lives of their children.
If they’re lucky, the damage to their children won’t be too great. The offspring will overcome it—but not, probably, before passing some on to their offspring.
Most of you gain the wisdom, the patience, the understanding, and the love to be wonderful parents after your parenting years are over.
Q: Why is this? I don’t understand this. I see that Your observation is in many cases correct, but why is this?
A: Because young child-makers were never intended to be child-raisers. Your child-raising years should really begin when they are now over.
Q: I’m still a little lost here.
A: Human beings are biologically capable of creating children while they are children themselves—which, it may surprise most of you to know, they are for 40 or 50 years.
Q: Human beings are “children themselves” for 40 or 50 years?
A: From a certain perspective, yes. I know this is difficult to hold as your truth, but look around you. Perhaps the behaviors of your race might help prove My point.
The difficulty is that in your society, you are said to be “all grown up” and ready for the world at 21. Add to this the fact that many of you were raised by mothers and fathers who were not much older than 21 themselves when they began raising you, and you can begin to see the problem.
If child-bearers were meant to be child-raisers, child bearing would not have been made possible until you were fifty!
Child bearing was meant to be an activity of the young, whose bodies are well developed and strong. Child raising was meant to be an activity of the elders, whose minds are well developed and strong.
In your society you have insisted on making child-bearers responsible for child raising—with the result that you’ve made not only the process of parenting very difficult, but distorted many of the energies surrounding the sexual act as well as.
Q: Uh … could You explain?
Many humans have observed what I’ve observed here. Namely, that a good many humans—perhaps most —are not truly capable of raising children when they are capable of having them. However, having discovered this, humans have put in place exactly the wrong solution.
Rather than allow younger humans to enjoy sex, and if it produces children, have the elders raise them, you tell young humans not to engage in sex until they are ready to take on the responsibility of raising children. You have made it “wrong” for them to have sexual experiences before that time, and thus have created a taboo around what was intended to be one of life’s most joyful celebrations.
Of course, this is a taboo to which offspring will pay little attention—and for good reason: it is entirely unnatural to obey it.
Human beings desire to couple and copulate as soon as they feel the inner signal which says they are ready. This is human nature.
Yet their thought about their own nature will have more to do with what you, as parents, have told them than about what they are feeling inside. Your children look to you to tell them what life is all about.
So when they have their first urges to peek at each other, to play innocently with each other, to explore each other’s “differences,” they will look to you for signals about this. Is this part of their human nature “good”? Is it “bad”? Is it approved of? Is it to be stifled? Held back? Discouraged? It is observed that what many parents have told their offspring about this part of their human nature has had its origin in all manner of things: what they were told; what their religion says; what their society thinks—everything except the natural order of things.
In the natural order of your species, sexuality is budding at anywhere from age 9 to age 14. From age 15 onward it is very much present and expressing in most human beings. Thus begins a race against time—with children stampeding toward the fullest release of their own joyful sexual energy, and parents stampeding to stop them.
Parents have needed all the assistance and all the alliances they could find in this struggle, since, as has been noted, they are asking their offspring to not do something that is every bit a part of their nature.
So adults have invented all manner of familial, cultural, religious, social, and economic pressures, restrictions, and limitations to justify their unnatural demands of their offspring. Children have thus grown to accept that their own sexuality is unnatural. How can anything that is “natural” be so shamed, so always-stopped, so controlled, held at bay, restrained, bridled, and denied?
I haven’t read any of these books by Mr. Walsch. Up until today, I had never heard of them. Now, I want to read them all. As I’m quoting here without permission, I thought I might as well point you in the direction where they can be bought: